I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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