so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
