Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I touched a dick in church today
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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