She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
