Say something about gay babies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
