you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
