pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
