The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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