Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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