There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize