Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need a beard to bite.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
