just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
