Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
