Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
