I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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