The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
