i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
