Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
