I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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