why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I deserve this hangover.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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