Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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