Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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