woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
