I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
