Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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