well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
