All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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