what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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