I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
