i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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