I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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