Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
