I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
