nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
