I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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