It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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