Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
