Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
