So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
