Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
