Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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