when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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