I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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