Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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