we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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