found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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