seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
