I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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