i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
