when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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