I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
