the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
