I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
