And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
