I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
