Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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