Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
