There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
