If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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