We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize