I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
