Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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