Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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