I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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