OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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