Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
