fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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