I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
