I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
