he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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