Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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