I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
