He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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