But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
