I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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