We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so let's talk penis.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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