Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
