24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
