He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
