Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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