God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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