You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
