Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
