____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
