Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
