For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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