I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
