There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
