"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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