All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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