I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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