you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
