there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
