I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
