i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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