He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
