His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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