is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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