If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
